As a trauma bond is deeply biologically and psychologically rooted. You may feel fear, embarrassment, or even intense anxiety if you manage to cease contact. You may catch yourself covering up your partner’s behavior to friends and family to deny your relationship’s reality.
On a subconscious level, you are aware that this is not how healthy love should look or feel. You know you should end the relationship but are struggling to cut ties. This justification reflects a failure to uphold boundaries on your part – paving the way for an unhealthy relationship. While this reflects a caring nature and likely comes from a place of kindness, you make room for a violation of your boundaries. Perhaps you feel sorry for your partner, or pity their difficult upbringing. Signs you are trauma bonded You catch yourself justifying abusive behavior. A trauma bond accompanies a gradually distorted perception of reality, resulting in the slow destruction of self-esteem and boundaries. Irregularity in neurochemistry - fluctuations in chemicals such as Oxytocin and Dopamine - clouds the victim’s judgment. It tends to be shortly followed by the emergence of toxic behavior such as gaslighting, verbal abuse, or controlling. This is the ‘ love bombing stage.’ The flood of positive attention establishes grounds for the abuser’s manipulation. It’s typically characterized by a period of passionate declarations of love and showering of affections. The formation of a trauma bond tends to be a gradual process. That reconciliatory fix can be affection, validation, or a temporary sense of security. The victim stays in an attempt to reach that elusive positive point. It’s confusing and it results in cognitive dissonance for the person on the receiving end of the dynamic. The Trauma BondĪ trauma bond forms through intermittent displays of positive and negative attention. “It’s because he loves me.” “Only he understands.” “It’s not all that bad.” Why do so many people remain in these relationships in the name of ‘love’? Unfortunately, the answer is simpler than we’d like. Or silent treatment, infatuation, adoration, and floods of compliments. Constant fighting, slammed doors, tears, and nasty insults. Sure, abusive or toxic relationships may seem obvious to spot as an outsider.
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